Kindness as a Strategy

Study after study links kindness to greater happiness, stronger relationships, and better health, both mental and physical. Science shows that even just witnessing an act of kindness – without needing to be on the giving or receiving end – produces oxytocin, which increases confidence and self-esteem. And to actually proffer kindness increases levels of serotonin, the “feel-good” chemical that can decrease anxiety and improve quality of sleep. 

But we always like to say that when you start to practice mindfulness, you become a research study of one. Notice what happens to you when you extend kindness towards someone else, whether it’s a loved one, colleague, neighborhood acquaintance, or total stranger. Do you feel differently when adopting a stance of kindness than you do if that voice in your head is left unchecked? Being mindful enough to focus your attention on this research project is the first step. Maintaining that mindfulness as you investigate whether you have any different experience is the second step.

The connection mindfulness practices cultivate kind thoughts by making you feel bonded to others, whether through shared experience or simply shared humanity. A sustained feeling of kindness almost effortlessly turns into generous action. With these connection practices, we turn our “flashlight of attention” on ourself, before sharing our positive energy with others around us, including those we find challenging. You don’t have to like someone to show them kindness. And remember, you benefit when you do.

FOR REFLECTION: Think of a situation during the last year when you really felt connection or kindness. When you bring that memory to mind, notice what physical sensations you feel in your body, where you feel them, and whether they’re pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral.