Disarming Emotions

Emotions are messengers and much more useful to us if we take the time to notice them. When we have a knee-jerk reaction to a situation based on our emotions, we’re not always making decisions based on accurate information.

Introducing a pause—the time it takes to complete a deep breath—can help us avoid flying off the handle. Labeling emotions, for instance anger, fear, sadness, frustration, boredom, anxiety, allows us to put ourselves in the role of an objective observer capable of choosing an appropriate response.

We’re not trying to deny or change our emotions. We’re humans, which means we feel pain and sadness and anger and joy. We’re simply trying to recognize them and understand how they drive our behavior so we can become better at navigating our daily interactions with our partners and children and extended family members, our colleagues, clients, and friends, even the cashier at the grocery store.

Our human brain is hard-wired for survival, and so our thoughts naturally arise first in our basal ganglia, or what some call our reptilian brain. It’s where the flight-or-fight reaction comes from, and its vital functioning can save us from danger. It’s what screams, “Run!” when we come across a rattlesnake on the trail.

Being primal, it’s not very good at distinguishing between a snake and a stick, however. Once it registers the danger of a snake, it triggers the same response even in a case of mistaken identity. This lifesaving capacity runs amok in modern times, keeping us in a never-ending state of high alert, ready to flee from imagined danger and triggering all the toxic stress hormones in the process.

Mindfulness practice gives our brain a break from guard duty. By continually strengthening our ability to pay attention, we can, with just the slightest pause, take a figurative step back and assess the situation. This shift into our prefrontal cortex, the thinking part of the brain where executive function takes place, allows us to determine if we’re faced with a snake or a stick. It gives us agency to make an appropriate response.

Viktor E. Frankl, an Austrian neurologist and psychologist who survived the Holocaust, explained it this way:

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

Practice

Physical awareness of your body provides a powerful tool for calming your parasympathetic nervous system.